Nine Lines by Leo Ebersole

1. Completely swayed

Americans finally got a chance to hear both candidates for vice president talk about the issues Thursday. Unfortunately, those of us who turned it into a drinking game blacked out after the 1,500th mention of tax breaks.

2. Utmost restraint

Most analysts concluded that the vice presidential debate won't be a "game-changer," thanks in large part to Joe Biden resisting the urge to throw a punch across the aisle.

3. Topic 1

Sarah Palin wouldn't admit to having an Achilles' heel. She did, however, confess to owning a few pairs of pumps and some snowshoes.

4. Wah waaaaah

And not everyone agrees with Gov. Palin's views on global warming, but, in her defense, the cubs up in Alaska aren't collapsing nearly as dramatically as the Cubs around here.

5. One of us

Welcome, Chicagoans, to the new American Girl Store/"America's Got Talent" Cloning Facility.



6. Total collapse

It looks like Congress finally has the support it needs to pass the bailout it hopes will help the economy recover. Of course, this is the same economy responsible for " Beverly Hills Chihuahua," so let's put the optimism on hold for now.

7. Ummm ...

I'm also seeing trailers for a movie called " Midnight Meat Train," the movie title even Jenna Jameson can't say that title with a straight face.

8. All the rage

What was "Gladiator" star Russell Crowe's secret for gaining 60 pounds for his role in "Body of Lies"? He ate more burgers and cut back to just one fit of violent phone-throwing a week.

9. Not good

Country star Kenny Chesney is developing his own brand of rum. And just like that Amy Winehouse has been given yet another horrible idea.